Caution: very random thoughts, read at your risk

I've been told that I need to update my blog and I've wanted to for awhile now but just don't know what to write. I also make excuses like "it's harder now that I'm at home with only dial up" or "it's hard to concentrate with my mom sitting next to me telling me about her new dishes."

But then I was thinking that this just a smaller part of how my life feels right now. I want to have these life changing God moments but I don't feel it and I don't know exactly how I do feel but I make up excuses like "there are too many things distracting me: home, student teaching, getting married..."

And in all of this I just try to figure out how I can make it better. Should I spend more time in the word? Should I have more community? But it's not about me doing anything. I just need right now for God to come and still my soul.

I feel like it's just getting full of stuff. Things that are useless but need to get done but that I'm focusing on instead of what I need to be. But what do I need to be focusing on? I guess the answer to that is God but how do I do that. I don't think that I can. I know that I can't because I've been trying. *sigh*

These are the things that have been going on in my head and heart the past week or so and might not make sense to anyone. I don't think it even makes sense to me. But it putting this stuff in print I know more and more that I just need to be still and know that He is God.

If only it weren't easier said than done.