Searching for More

I just read my last post to remember what I was thinking last and I realize I've come quite a way since then. At the beginning of the year I was so worried about having to do something and about leaving Tad behind. I still hate leaving Tad behind to go to work but work is becoming less and less work to me.

In a conversation I had with Tad a couple weeks ago I realized that I don't think of my job as a job anymore. It's something I really love to do. It's my ministry. It's how I reach these kids who need more reaching than they know. There are definately those days when I seriously think of locking them in the room for an hour and letting them kill each other while I go to Starbucks and relax. But they need me.

I'm still looking forward to Christmas break though. Six weeks away (I think)! There will be nothing to grade and no lesson plans to make and this year no wedding to plan. It's going to be so relaxing.

So now that that's not really an issue, I have other issues. But this is just how life goes. Right now I really miss my friends. They've moved to Florida (where its warm by the way and I am very jealous) and Kansas or they stayed in Springfield and I moved to Lake Fork. I miss everyone so much. I miss late night talks (the talks more than the late nights) I miss eating dinner with 10 different people every night in the cafeteria. I miss bible studies and CSF leaders meetings and everything about CSF.

But I have those foundations that I gained through the teaching and community of CSF and I'm trying to make things work here in my new life. Things are just so hard. It's hard to make time for friends when you come home at night exhausted and fall asleep on the couch at 8:30. It's hard to get involved in a small group when your church has 20 regular attenders who are all your parents age. It's just so hard and I just long for something more.

But like I said, I have the foundations. I'm getting in the word and reading some good books and have a great husband who is so encouraging. I wouldn't trade him for any thing. I also have a great family that I get to see and connect with a little more.

So I'll just keep on growing and learning. That's what life is ... continually growing and learning.